When you love someone it is hard to watch them self distruct, to watch them tear themself apart and not say anything. For the first few months, I tried to be supportive, I was basically left i nthe dark but stood by and just watched as he let the pain of his past cause such self distruction. And all I could do was offer myself as a support system until he trusted me enough to open up about the pain and hurt. And I understood that he deserved that time, but watching him drink his pain away every night hurts me. And it is just making me want to push away more and more lately.
Every night, I dread watching him fill his cup with more and more alcohol. To watch him chug the alcohol, it just makes me worry that I'm doing things wrong because I can't help him through this hard time.
I really don't know what to do. I love him so much, but it really scares me to see him drink like this every night. This is such a lifestyle for him. He doesn't know how to vent his pain, the only way for him to out source his pain is to drink.
He's just pushing me away. And just makes me question a lot. Question lots of what he tells me. Question what to believe. Question how close to get. Most importantly, question how much longer to care.
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